实习医生格蕾第一季

爱情是美妙的危险，声张强势的人总是倾向拒绝爱情的表露和爱意的轻易表达，使自己慢慢沉积得冷血，因为无欲（爱）则刚，害怕盲目的爱会使自己变得软弱，削弱生命的自我完善的价值，阻碍对成功的偏执追求。

强者是绝世而独立的忍者，独享隐忍的残酷，也是举世皆浊而独清的可怜虫，霞披凤冠却无人来爱，《实习医生格蕾》里野心勃勃的女外科医生cristine形容自己的两性关系为 Win or Lose，所以仅仅是向伴侣表达内心感受也要死撑到最后一刻，为了成为心胸科外科医生的翘楚人物而甘愿放弃为人妻去相夫教子的机会，这是强迫症的极端例子 抗拒欲望是件很困难的事情，比如美食对于我，也比如美女对于《实习医生格蕾》里的Mr.steamy(惹火)先生,冒天下之大不韪跟最好朋友的妻子上床,原因是不可自拔地爱上了她,但是同时暗度陈仓，和所在医院数量可观的稍有姿色的护士有染，这是不愿也不能抵抗和放弃身体欲望的极端例子 天生的自卑是不会随着社会地位的提升而消失的，比如对于《实习医生格蕾》里的Izzie，女医生里鹤立鸡群的一个，魔鬼身材，天使脸蛋，又有邻家女孩的热心肠，事实上她出生贫寒，少女时期早孕，成为一个自愿放弃抚养权的单身妈妈，但是通过自身的不断奋斗（美国梦的代表哈），成为西雅图大医院的小医生，心底却暗自菲薄医术不如cristine, 家庭出身不如meredith, 甚至认为前两者在刻意排斥她，无头苍蝇般恋上医院里的人人喊打的贫嘴帅（衰）哥Karev，有妇之夫兼蓝颜知己o’mally, 甚至奄奄一息的心脏病人danniel，她的选择总是让人跌破眼镜，拥有天妒的美貌与智慧，碰到的人却总不对，骨子里的自卑如影随形，挥之不去。

我真真欣赏她的是其不娇柔做作的风格，白手起家，独立奋斗，不被物质同化（比如她把800万dollar支票贴在冰箱上，最后募捐给慈善诊所） 幸福是什么，成功？

金钱？

名望？

比如《实习医生格蕾》里meredith的母亲Ellis，强悍女权，是医学界里举重若轻的世出人物，自私冷酷，却也无形中背离了幸福的根本，叱嚓风云医学界一生却在晚年戏剧性的患上老年痴呆症，沦落到要在养老院孤独终老，如果不是心脏病突发死亡的话。

她对期待Meredith是继承她的衣钵，成为一位“extraordinary”的杰出的女性，当她知道meredite仅仅是优秀，而不是杰出时，失望透顶，大声严斥meredith在浪费生命。

她甚至干预Meredith和俊美的脑外科医生derek的恋情，假想爱情会妨碍基因优秀的女儿成为杰出女性（要是cristine 是她女儿就好了）。

系出名门所背负的心理重压是俺们草根们轻易体会不到的，Meredith 拥有良好的家庭出身，优异的禀赋，甜蜜的爱情，蒸蒸日上的事业，只是无论如何努力都无法满足母亲的“欲壑难填”的期许，战战兢兢的活在母亲生前和死后的阴影下（带着母亲的骨灰去上班），小时候父母婚变，父亲的突然离去也导致她对爱情的信念产生怀疑，所以她的身体不断游离和流浪在一夜情上，直到精神肉体遇到了derek的抚慰，种种现世经历轻易把她推上了放弃生命的决断，幸福对于她不过是梦幻，紧握在手，却从不曾拥有。

作为肥皂剧，剧中人物确实有极端主义和夸张的成分，除了片中血淋淋的真刀实枪的各类复杂外科手术让像我这样的医盲大开眼界，难能可贵的是精彩纷呈的剧集的嬉笑怒骂中对人性的显微见著的入木描画--在喧嚣中寂寥，在盛宴里落寞，欢乐里的哀恸，高潮后的空虚，痛苦后的涅磐，那是人人心底深藏的秘密花园。

Grey's 的第七集里，被那对老夫妻感动得哭了出来。

年过半百的老人握着一起走过了半生的人同样苍老的手，互相笑着说“my love, goodbye.”在每一次手术前告别，然后在手术结束后，再次地，say hello。

因为从第一次就知道，每一次的告别都可能成为永别。

这并不是玩笑。

所以用着虔诚深情的表情和爱一次次做最后的仪式。

假以你这一次离开，也不是带着遗憾分离。

是不是这样子。

于是他们说，这才是真正的相濡以沫。

然而感动我的，却不只是这样子。

或许在等待的男人心里，从来没有真正设想和接受过那一种无法再相见的可能性。

于是理所当然地等待着同爱人说你好的时间，然而这一次的告别，却真的成为了永别。

那个苍老的、失了平静的声音在说，不要离开我。

一遍一遍。

那双老迈的、不肯停下手，执著地在早已经没了心跳的心脏上反复徒劳的动作。

只要你醒来。

上天没有赐予一点奇迹的怜悯，那个惶然无措的老人，在黄昏黑夜里，始终没有等到白昼。

那么，到底是要怎样的深情切意，才能在十年、二十年、三十年、四十年、五十年……这样漫长的时间里，一次次将无情的光阴打败。

在这个寡情而薄幸的现实里。

于是那些相濡以沫的事情，在心里渐渐筑成了一座固若金汤的城堡，那叫做……奇迹吧。

之于找寻。

多少人终其一生都在找寻。

在这样烟雾缭绕的世界里，是不是有着那样的存在，值得我们葬掉半生也要去等待。

The best of this soap opera is voiceover in each episode. It intrigues me to scribble down every sentence of voiceover when watching it. It is food for thought. I like this way to say something about life, love, friend, job, responsibility, loneliness and so on in this series. It make me contemplating what has happened in my life.Attached is what I record, share with "同好":Season1 Episode 1: A hard Day’s nightThe game. They say either a person has what it takes to play, or they don't.There comes a moment when it's more than just a game. And you either take that step forward, or turn around and walk away.E5: “shake your groove thing”Remember when you were a kid and your biggest worry was, like, if you'd get a bike for your birthday, or if you get to eat cookies for breakfast. Being an adult? Totally overrated. I mean, seriously, don't be fooled by all the hot shoes and the great sex and the no parents anywhere telling you to do. Adulthood is responsibility. Responsibility, it really does suck. Really, really sucks. Adults have to be places and do things and earn a living and pay the rent. Kinda makes bikes and cookies look really really good, doesn't it?The scariest part about responsibility: when you screw up and let it slip right through your fingers.Unfortunately, once you get past the age of braces and training bras, responsibility doesn't go away.It can't be avoided. Either someone makes us face it, or we suffer the consequences. And still, adulthood has its perks. E6 “ If tomorrow never comes”A couple hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. "Never leave that till tomorrow," he said, "which you can do today." This is the man who discovered electricity. You'd think more of us would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of pain, fear of rejection. Sometimes, the fear is just of making a decision. Because, what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? Whatever it is we're afraid of, one thing holds true. That, by the time the pain of not doing a thing gets worse than the fear of doing it, it can feel like we're carrying around a giant tumor. And you thought I was speaking metaphorically.The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we haven't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still, sometime we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore, until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin meant. That knowing is better than wondering. That waking is better than sleeping. And that even the biggest failure, even the worst, most intractable mistake beats the hell out of never trying.E07 “ The self destruct button”I mean, if life's so hard already, why do we bring more trouble down on ourselves? What's up with the need to hit the self-destruct button? Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way. Because without it, I don't know... ...maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? "Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer?" "Because it feels so good when I stop."E08 “Save me”You know how when you were a kid and you believed in fairy tales? That fantasy of what your life would be. White dress, Prince Charming, Who'd carry you away to a castle on a hill. You'd lie in bed at night and close your eyes, and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close, you could taste them. But eventually, you grow up. One day you open your eyes, and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is, it's hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely. Cause almost everyone still has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they'll open their eyes and it will all come true.E09 “who’s zooming who”Secrets can't hide in science. Medicine has a way of exposing the lies. Within the walls of the hospital, the truth is stripped bare. How we keep our secrets outside the hospital...Well, that's a little different. One thing is certain. Whatever it is we're trying to hide, we're never ready for that moment when the truth gets naked. That's the problem with secrets. Like misery, they love company. They pile up and up until they take over everything. Until you don't have room for anything else. Until you're so full of secrets, you feel like you're going to burst.The thing people forget is how good it can feel when you finally set secrets free.Whether good or bad, at least they're out in the open, like it or not. And once your secrets are out in the open, you don't have to hide behind them anymore. The problem with secrets is even when you think you're in control... ...you're not.Season 2E1 “Raindrops keep falling on my head”To be a good surgeon, you have to think like a surgeon. Emotions are messy. Tuck them neatly away and step into a clean, sterile room where the procedure is simple. Cut, suture and close. But sometimes, you're faced with a cut that won't heal. A cut that rips it's stitches wide open.The say practice makes perfect. Theory is, the more you think like a surgeon, the more you become one. The better you get at remaining neutral, clinical. Cut, suture, close. And the harder it becomes to turn it off? to stop thinking like a surgeon. And remember what it means to think like a human being.E2 “Enough is enough (no more tears)”I have an aunt who, whenever she poured anything for you, would say, "Say when." My aunt would say, "Say when," and of course we never did. We don't say "when" because there's something about the possibility of more. More tequila. More love. More anything. More is better.There's something to be said about a glass half full. About knowing when to say when. I think it's a floating line. A barometer of need and desire. It's entirely up to the individual. And depends on what's being poured. Sometimes all we want is a taste. Other times, there's no such thing as enough. The glass is bottomless. And all we want is more.E3 “Make me lose control”Surgeons are control freaks. With a scalpel in your hand, you feel unstoppable. There's no fear, there's no pain. You're 10 feet tall and bullet proof. And then you leave the O.R. And all that perfection. All that beautiful control just falls to crap.No one likes to lose control but as a surgeon there's nothing worse. It's a sign of weakness. Of not being up to the task. And still there are times when it just gets away from you. When the world stops spinning. And you realize that your shiny little scalpel isn't gonna save you. No matter how hard you fight it. You fall. And its scary as hell. Except there's an upside to free falling. It's the chance you give your friends to catch you.E4” deny, deny, deny”The key to surviving a surgical internship is denial. We deny that we're tired, we deny that we're scared, we deny how badly we want to succeed, and most importantly, we deny that we're in denial. We only see what we wanna see and believe what we want to believe. And it works. We lie to ourselves so much that after a while, the lies start to seem like the truth. We deny so much that we can't recognize the truth, right in front of our faces.Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the damn bursts all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired. We are scared. Denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later, we have to put aside our denial ... and face the world head on gun's blazing. Denial. It's not just a river in Egypt. It's a freaking ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?E5 “Bring the pain”Pain comes in all forms. The small twinge, a bit of soreness, the random pain. The normal pains we live with every day. Then there's the kind of pain you can't ignore. A level of pain so great that it blocks out everything else. Makes the rest of the world fade away. Until all we can think about is how much we hurt. How we manage our pain is up to us. Pain. We anaesthetize...ride it out, embrace it, ignore it... And for some of us, the best way to manage pain is to just push through it.Pain. You just have to ride it out. Hope it goes away on its own. Hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions. No easy answers. You just breathe deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed. But sometimes, the pain gets to you when you least expect it. Hit's way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain. You just have to fight through because the truth is you can't out run it. And life always make more.E6 “Into you like a Train”In general... people can be categorized in one of two ways. Those who love surprises, and those who don't. I don't. I've never met a surgeon that enjoys a surprise, because, as surgeons we like to be in the know. We have to be in the know. Because when we aren't, people die and lawsuits happen. Am I rambling? I think I'm rambling. Ok, so my point actually ... and I do have one. Has nothing to do with surprises or death or lawsuits or even surgeons. My point is this: whoever said what you don't know can't hurt you was a complete and total moron. Because for most people I know, not knowing is the worst feeling in the world.As surgeons, there are so many things we have to know. We have to know we have what it takes. We have to know how to take care of our patients. And how to take care of each other. Eventually we even have to figure out... how to take care of ourselves. As surgeons we have to be in the know. But as human beings, sometimes it's better to stay in the dark. Because in the dark, there maybe fear... ... but there's also hope.E8 “Let it Be”In the 8th grade, my English class had to read Romeo & Juliet. Then for extra credit, Mrs. Snyder made us act out all the parts. Sal Scafarillo was Romeo. As fate would have it, I was Juliet. All the other girls were jealous but I had a slightly different take. I told Mrs. Snyder that Juliet was an idiot. For starters, she falls for the one guy she knows she can't have. Then she blames fate for her own bad decision. Mrs. Snyder explained to me that when fate comes into play, choice sometimes goes out the window. At the ripe old age of 13, I was very clear. That love like life is about making choices. And fate has nothing to do with it. Everyone thinks it's so romantic. Romeo & Juliet. True love. How sad. If Juliet was stupid enough to fall for the enemy, drink a bottle of poison and go to sleep in a mausoleum ... ... she deserved whatever she got.Maybe Romeo & Juliet were fated to be together, but just for a while. And then their time passed. If they could've known that beforehand maybe it would've all been ok. I told Mrs. Snyder that when I was growing up I'd take fate into my own hands. I wouldn't let some guy drag me down. Mrs. Snyder said that I'd be lucky if I ever had that kind of passion with someone. And that if I did, we'd be together forever. Even now I believe for the most part love is about choices. It's about putting down the poison and the dagger and making your own happy ending ... most of the time. And that sometimes despite all your best choices and all your best intentions, fate wins anyway.E09: “Thanks for the memories”Gratitude, appreciation, giving thanks. No matter what words you use, it all means the same thing. Happy. We're supposed to be happy. Grateful for friends, family, happy just to be alive... Whether we like it or not.Maybe we're not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. Maybe being grateful is recognizing what you have for what it is. Appreciate small victories. Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human. Maybe we're thankful for the familiar things we know. And maybe we're thankful for things we'll never know. At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing ... ... is reason enough to celebrate.E10 “Much too much”When you were a kid, it was Halloween candy. You hid it from your parents and ate it until you got sick. In college it was the heady combo of youth, tequila and well you know... As a surgeon you take as much of the good as you can get... because it doesn't come around nearly as often as it should. Cause good things aren't always what they seem. Too much of anything, even love is not always a good thing.How do you know how much is too much? Too much, too soon. Too much information. Too much fun. Too much love. Too much to ask. And when is it all just too much to bear?E11 “Owner of a lonely heart”Forty years ago, The Beatles asked the world a simple question. They wanted to know where all the lonely people came from. My latest theory is that a great many of the lonely people come from hospitals. More precisely the surgical wings of hospitals. As surgeons we ignore our own needs so we can meet our patients' needs. We ignore our friends and families so we can save other people's friends and families. Which means that at the end of the day all we really have is ourselves. And nothing in this world can make you feel more alone than that.400 years ago another well known English guy had an opinion about being alone. John Donne. He thought we were never alone. Of course it was fancier when he said it. No man is an island entire unto himself. Boil down that island talk and he just meant that all anyone needs is someone to step in. And let us know we're not alone. And who's to say that someone can't have 4 legs. Someone to play with or run around with. Or just hang out.E12 “Grandma got run over by a reindeer”It's an urban myth that suicide rates spike at the holidays. Turns out, they actually go down. Experts think that people are less inclined to off themselves when surrounded by family. Ironically, that same family togetherness is thought to be the reason depression rates actually do spike at the holidays.There's an old proverb that says you can't choose your family. You take what the fates hand you... ...and like them or not, love them or not, understand them or not ... ...you cope. Then there's the school of thought that says the family you're born into is simply a starting point. They feed you and clothe you and take care of you until your ready to go out into the world. ...and find your tribe.E13 “Begin the begin”Fresh starts. Thanks to the calendar, they happen every year. Just set your watch to January. Our reward for surviving the holiday season is a new year. Bringing on the great tradition of New Year's resolutions. Put your past behind you and start over. It's hard to resist the chance at a new beginning. A chance to put the problems of last year to bed.Who gets to determine when the old ends and the new begins? It's not a day on a calendar. Not a birthday, not a new year. It's an event, big or small, something that changes us. Ideally it gives us hope. A new way of living and looking at the world. Letting go of old habits, old memories. What's important is that we never stop believing, we can have a new beginning. But it's also important to remember that amid all the crap are a few things really worth holding on to.E14 “Tell me sweet little lies”As doctors we're trained to skeptical because our patients lie to us all the time. The rule is: every patient is a liar until proven honest. Lying is bad. Or so we're told. Constantly, from birth. Honesty is the best policy. The truth shall set you free. I chop down the cherry tree. Whatever. The fact is, lying is a necessity. We lie to ourselves because the truth, the truth freaking hurts.No matter how hard we try to ignore it or deny it. Eventually the lies fall away. Whether we like it or not. But here's the truth about the truth. It hurts. So we lie.E16: “It’s the end of the world”It's a look patients get in their eyes. There is a scent. The smell of death. Some kind of sixth sense. When the great beyond is headed for you, you feel it coming. What's the one thing you've always dreamed of doing before you die? E17 “As we know it”In hospitals they say you know. You know when you're going to die. Some doctors say it's a look patients get in their eyes. Some say there's a scent. The smell of death. Something. There's just some kind of sixth sense. When the great beyond is heading for you. You feel it coming. Whatever it is. It's creepy. Because if you know. What do you do about? Forget about the fact you're scared out of your mind. If you knew this was your last day on Earth, how would you want to spend it?(现在似乎流行这样的假设，在北美大学，流行”last lecture”)E18 “Yesterday”After careful consideration and many sleepless nights, here's what I've decided. There's no such thing as a grown up. We move on, we move out, we move away from our families and form our own. But the basic insecurities, the basic fears and all those old wounds just grow up with us. And just when we think that life and circumstance have forced us to truly, once and for all become an adult ... We get bigger, we get taller, we get older. But for the most part, we're still a bunch of kids. Running around the playground trying desperately to fit in.We whisper secrets with our best friends in the dark. We look for comfort where we can find it. And we hope. Against all logic. Against all experience. Like children, we never give up hope.E19 “ What have I done to deserve this”Ok so sometimes even the best of us make rash decisions. Bad decisions. Decisions we pretty much know we're gonna regret the moment, the minute, especially the morning after. I mean maybe not regret, regret because at least you know we put ourselves out there. But still ... something inside us decides to do a crazy thing. A thing we know that'll probably turn around and bite us in the ass. Yet, we do it anyway.What I'm saying is ... we reap what we sow. What comes around goes around. It's karma and any way you slice it ... ... karma sucks. Like I was saying ... ... payback's a bitch.One way or another, our karma, will leave us to face ourselves. We can look our karma in the eye or we can wait for it to sneak up on us from behind. One way or another, our karma will always find us. And the truth is as surgeons we have more chances than most to set the balance in our favor. No matter how hard we try, we can't escape our karma. It follows us home. I guess we can't really complain about karma. It's not unfair. It's not unexpected. It just ... evens the score. And even when we're about to do something we know will tempt karma to bite us in the ass ... ... well it goes without saying ... ...we do it anyway.E20 “ Band Aid covers the bullet hole”As doctors patients are always telling us how they would do our jobs. Just stitch me up, slap a band-aid on it and send me home. It's easy to suggest a quick solution when you don't know much about the problem. When you don't understand the underlying cause ... ... or just how deep the wound really is. The first step towards a real cure is to know exactly what the disease is to begin with. But that's not what people want to hear. We're supposed to forget the past that landed us here, ignore the future complications that might arise and go for the quick fix.As doctors, as friends, as human beings we all try to do the best we can. But the world is full of unexpected twists and turns. And just when you've gotten the lay of the land, the ground underneath you, shifts. And knocks you off your feet. If you're lucky, you end up with nothing more than a flesh wound. Something a band-aid will cover. But some wounds are deeper than they first appear and require more than just a quick fix. With some wounds, you have to rip off the band-aid, let them breathe and give them time to heal.E21 “Superstition”My college campus has a magic statue. It's a long-standing tradition for students to rub it's nose for good luck. My freshman roommate really believed in the statue's power... ...and insisted on visiting it to rub it's nose before every exam. Studying might have been a better idea. She flunked out her sophomore year. But the fact is we all have little superstitious things that we do. If it's not believing in magic statues, it's avoiding sidewalk cracks, or always putting out left shoe on first. Knock on wood. Step on a crack, break your mother's back. The last thing we want to do is offend the gods.Superstition lies in the space between what we can control... and what we can't. Find a penny, pick it up, and all day long you'll have good luck. No one wants to pass up a chance for good luck. But does saying it 33 times really help? Is anyone really listening? And if no one's listening, why do we bother doing those strange things at all? We rely on superstitions because we're smart enough to know we don't have all the answers. And that life works in mysterious ways. Don't diss the juju...from wherever it comes.E22 “ The name of the game”A good basketball game can have us all on the edge of our seats. Games are all about the glory, the pain and the play-by-play. And then there are the more solitary games. The games we each play all by ourselves. The social games, the mind games, we use them to pass the time. To make life more interesting. To distract us from what's really going on. There are those of us who love to play games. Any game. And there are those of us who love to play...a little too much.Life is not a spectator sport. Win, lose or draw...the game is in progress...whether we want it to be or not. So go ahead: argue with the refs, change the rules...cheat a little...take a break...and tend to your wounds. But play. Play hard. Play fast. Play loose and free. Play as if there's no tomorrow. Ok, so it's not whether you win or lose...it's how you play the game. Right?E23 “Blues for sister someone”The key to being a successful intern is what we give up. Sleep, friends, a normal life. We sacrifice it all for that one amazing moment. That moment when you can legally call yourself a surgeon. There are days that make the sacrifices seem worthwhile. And then there are the days where everything feels like a sacrifice. And then there are the sacrifices that you can't even figure out why you're making.A wise man once said, "You can have anything in life, if you will sacrifice everything else for it." What he meant is, nothing comes without a price. So before you go into battle, you better decide how much you're willing to lose. Too often, going after what feels good, means letting go of what you know is right. And letting someone in means abandoning the walls you've spent a lifetime building. Of course the toughest sacrifices are the ones we don't see coming. When we don't have time to come up with a strategy, to pick a side or measure the potential loss. When that happens, when the battle chooses us, and not the other way around, that's when the sacrifice can turn out to be more than we can bear.E24 “Damage Case”We all go through life like bulls in a china shop. A chip here, a crack there. Doing damage to ourselves. To other people. The problem is trying to figure out how to control the damage we have done. Or that's been done to us. Sometimes the damage catches us by surprise. Sometimes we think we can fix the damage. And sometimes the damage is something we can't even see.We're all damaged, it seems. Some of us more than others. We carry the damage with us from childhood. Then, as grown-ups, we give as good as we get. Ultimately, we all do damage. And then...we set about the business of fixing...whatever we can.E25 “17 seconds”In life, we are taught that there are seven deadly sins. We all know the big ones: Gluttony, pride, lust. But the sin you don't hear much about is anger. Maybe it's because we think anger's not that dangerous. That we can control it. My point is, maybe we don't give anger enough credit. Maybe it can be a lot more dangerous than we think. After all, when it comes to destructive behavior... ...it did make the top seven.So what makes anger different from the six other deadly sins? It's pretty simple really. You give in to a sin like envy or pride then you only hurt yourself. Try lust or coveting and you'll only hurt yourself, and probably one or two others. But anger...anger is the worst. The mother of all sins. Not only can anger drive you over the edge, when it does, you can take an awful lot of other people with you.E26 “Deterioration of the fight or flight response”Human beings need a lot of things to feel alive. We can't control it.Season 3E01 “Time has come today”In the OR, time loses all meaning. In the midst of sutures and saving lives, the clock ceases to matter. 15 minutes. 15 hours. Inside the OR, the best surgeons make time fly. Outside the OR however, time takes pleasure in kicking our asses. For even the strongest of us, it seems to play tricks. Slowing down, hovering....until it freezes, leaving us stuck in a moment, unable to move in one direction or the other.Time flies Time waits for no man. Time heals all wounds. All any of us wants is more time Time to stand up... time to grow up. Time to let go.E02 “I am a tree”At any moment, the brain has 14 billion neurons firing at a speed of 450 miles per hour. We don't have control over most of them. When we get a chill, goosebumps. When we get excited, adrenaline. The body naturally follows it's impulses, which I think is part of what makes it so hard for us to control ours. Of course, sometimes we have impulses we'd rather not control. That we later wish we had.The body is a slave to its impulses. But the thing that makes us human... Is what we can control. after the storm. After the rush. After the heat of the moment has passed. We can cool off and clean up the messes we've made. We can try to let go of what was. And then again...E03 “Sometimes a fantasy”Surgeons usually fantasize about wild and improbable surgeries. Someone collapses in a restaurant; we splice them open with a butter knife. Replace a valve with a hollowed-out stick of carrot. But every now and then, some other kind of fantasy slips in. Most of our fantasies dissolve when we wake. Banished to the back of our mind. But sometimes we're sure, if we try hard enough, we can live the dream.The fantasy is simple. Pleasure is good. And twice as much pleasure is better. That pain is bad. And no pain is better. But the reality is different. The reality is that pain is there to tell us something. And there's only so much pleasure we can take without getting a stomach ache. And maybe that's OK. Maybe some fantasies are only supposed to live in our dreams.E04 “What I am”At some point during surgical residency, most interns get a sense of who they are as doctors, and the kind of surgeons they're going to become If you ask them they'll tell you. They're going to be General surgeons. Orthopedic surgeons. Neurosurgeons. Distinctions that do more than describe their areas of expertise. They help define who they are. Because Outside the operating room, not only do most surgeons have no clue who they are, they're afraid to find out.E05 “Oh, the guilt”First, do no harm. As doctors we pledge to live by this oath. But harm happens. Then guilt happens, and there's no oath for how to deal with that.First, do no harm. Easier said than done. We can take all the oaths in the world but the fact is... most of us do harm all the time.Sometimes even when we're trying to help, we do more harm than good. And then the guilt rears its ugly head. What you do with that guilt is entirely up to you. We're left with a choice... Either you can let guilt thrown you back into the behavior that got you in trouble in the first place, or learn from the guilt, and do your best to move on.E06 “Let the angels commit”To make it... really make it as a surgeon, it takes major commitment. We have to be willing to pick up that scalpel that may or may not do more damage than good. It's all about being committed. Cause if we're not, we have no business picking up that scalpel in the first place.There are times when even the best of us have trouble with commitment, and we may be surprised at the commitments we're willing to let slip out of our grasp. Commitments are complicated. We may surprise ourselves by the commitments we're willing to make. True commitment, takes effort, and sacrifice. Which is why sometimes, we have to learn the hard way, to choose our commitments very carefully.E07 “Where the boys are”As surgeons we're trained to look for disease. Sometimes, the disease is easily detected. Most of the time, we need to go step by step. First, probing the surface, looking for any sign of trouble. A mole or a lesion, or an unwelcome lump. Most of the time, we can't tell what's wrong with somebody just by looking at them. After all, they can look perfectly fine on the outside, while their insides tell us a whole different story.Not all wounds are superficial. Most wounds run deeper than imagined. You can't see them with the naked eye. And then there are the wounds that take us by surprise. The trick to any wound or disease is to dig down deep and find the real source of the injury. And once you've found it... try like hell to heal that sucker.E08 “staring at the sun”Many people don't know that the human eye has a blind spot in its field of vision. There's a part of the world that we are literally blind to. The problem is, sometimes our blind spots shield us from things that really shouldn't be ignored. Sometimes our blind spots keep our lives bright and shiny.When it comes to our blind spots, maybe our brains aren't compensating. Maybe they're protecting us.E09 “From a whisper to a scream”As doctors, we know everybody's secrets. Their medical histories, sexual histories, confidential information that is as essential to a surgeon as a 10-blade. And every bit as dangerous. We keep secrets. We have to. But not all secrets can be kept.In some ways, betrayal is inevitable. When our bodies betray us, surgery is often the key to recovery. When we betray each other, the path to recovery is less clear. We do whatever it takes to rebuild the trust. And then there are some wounds that are so deep, so profound, that there's no way to repair what was lost. And when that happens, there's nothing left to do but wait.E10 “Don’t stand so close to me”At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing where we all keep our distance, and pretend not to care about each other...it's usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to. and once we've chosen those people we tend to stick close by. no matter how much we hurt them. The people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping.E13 “Great Expectations”No one believes their life will turn out just kind of ok. We all think we're going to be great. And from the day we decide to become surgeons, we are filled with expectation. Expectations of the trails we will blaze, the people we will help, the difference we will make. Great expectations of who we will be, where we will go, and then we get there.We all think we're going to be great. And we feel robbed when our expectations aren't met. But sometimes our expectations sell us short. Sometimes, the expected pales in comparison to the unexpected. You gotta wonder why we cling to our expectations, because the unexpected is just what keeps us steady...standing...still. The expected is just the beginning. The unexpected is what changes our lives.E14 “wishing and hoping”As surgeons we live in a world of worst-case scenarios. We cut ourselves off from hoping for the best because too many times the best doesn't happen. But every now and then something extraordinary occurs ... ...and suddenly best-case scenarios seem possible. And every now and then...something amazing happens. And against our better judgment, we start to have hope.As doctors, we're trained to give our patients just the facts. But what are patients really want to know is. Will the pain ever go away? Will I feel better? Am I cured? What are patients really want to know is... ...is their hope. But inevitably there are times when you find yourself in the worst-case scenario. When the patient's body has betrayed them and all the science we have to offer has failed them. When the worst-case scenario comes true, clinging to hope is all we have left.E15 “ walk on water”Disappearances happen in science, disease can suddenly fade away. Tumors go missing. We open someone up to discover the cancer is gone. It's unexplained, it's rare, bit it happens. We call it misdiagnosis say we never saw it, any explanation but the truth. That life is full of vanishing acts. If something that we didn't know we had disappears, do we miss it?E16 “drowning on dry land”Like I said disappearances happen. Pains go phantom, blood stops running, and people fade away. There's more I have to say. So much more. But I've disappeared.E17 “some kind of miracle”There are medical miracles. Being worshippers at the alters of science we don't like to believe miracles exist, but they do. Things happen...we can't explain them, we can't control them, but they do happen. Miracles do happen in medicine. They happen every day just not always when we need them to happen.At the end of a day like this, a day when so many prayers are answered and so many aren't... We take our miracles where we find them. We reach across the gap and sometimes against all odds, against all logic, we touch.E18 “scars and souvenirs”People have scars in all sorts of unexpected places. Like secret roadmaps of their personal histories... ...diagrams of all their old wounds. Most of our old wounds heal leaving nothing behind but a scar, but some of them don't. Some wounds we carry with us everywhere... ...and though the cuts long gone... ...the pain still lingers.What's worse, new wounds which are so horribly painful... :...or old wounds that should have healed years ago and never did. Maybe our old wounds teach us something... ...they remind us of where we've been and what we've overcome. They teach us lessons about what to avoid in the future. That's what we like to think. But that's not the way it is, is it? Something's we just have to learn over and over and over again.E19 “my favorite mistake”Surgeons always have a plan, where to cut, where to clamp, where to stitch. But even with the best plans, complications can arise, things can arise and suddenly you're caught with your pants down.The thing about plans is...they don't take into account the unexpected. So, when we're thrown a curve ball, whether it's in the OR, or in life. We have to improvise. Of course, some of us are better at it than others. Some of us just have to move on to Plan B and make the best of it. And sometimes... ...what we want... ...is exactly... ...what we need. But sometimes... Sometimes what we need is a new plan.E20 “time after time”A patient's history is as important as their symptoms. It's what helps us decide if heartburn's a heart attack, if a headache's a tumor. Sometimes patients will try to rewrite their own histories. They'll claim they don't smoke or forget to mention certain drugs, which in surgery can be the kiss of death. We can ignore it all we want. But our history, eventually, always comes back to haunt us.Some people believe that without history our lives amount to nothing. At some point we all have to choose. Do we fall back on what we know... Or do we step forward to something new. It's hard not to be haunted by our past. Our history is what shapes us, what guides us. Our history resurfaces time after time after time. So we have to remember sometimes the most important history is the history we're making today.E21 “Desire”As interns we know what we want...to become surgeons. And will do anything to get there... Suffer through killer exams, endure 100-hour weeks, stand for hours on end operating rooms. You name it we'll do it. The tough part though is reconciling this huge thing we want, to be surgeons, with everything else we want.To often, the thing you want most is the one thing you can't have. Desire leaves us heartbroken; it wears us out. Desire can wreck your life. But as tough as wanting something can be...(Addison pauses in front of the hospital)...the people who suffer the most are those who don't know what they want.E22 “The other side of the life”The dream is this: that we'll finally be happy when we reach our goals... ...find the guy, finish our internship. That's the dream; then we get there and if we're human, we immediately start dreaming of something else. Because if this is the dream then we'd like to wake up... ...now please.At some point, maybe we accept that the dream has become a nightmare. We tell ourselves the reality is better. We convince ourselves it's better that we never dream at all. But the strongest of us, the most determined of us, we hold on to the dream. Or we find ourselves faced with a fresh dream we never considered. We awake to find ourselves...Against all odds...Feeling hopeful. And if we're lucky, we realize...In the face of everything, in the face of life...The true dream...Is being able to dream at all.E23 “Testing”A surgeon's education never ends. Every patient, every symptom, every operation...is a test, a chance for us to demonstrate how much we know...and how much more we have to learn.

Burke's vow:　　Cristina, I do promise, to hold you and cherish you. And I promise, to be there in sickness and in health. I could say, till death do us apart, but I won’t. Those vows are for optimistic couples, the vows full of hope, but I do not stand here on my wedding day optimistic or full of hope. I am not optimistic, I am not hopeful, I am sure, I’m steady. And I know, I’m a heart man, take them apart, put them back together, I hold them in my hands, I am a heart man, so this, I am sure, you are my partner, my lover, my very best friend. My heart, my heart beat for you. And on this day, the day of our wedding, I promise you this, I promise you to lay my heart in the palm of your hands, I promise you, me.（我在youtube上面看了不下10遍快要背出来的时候，才发现我似乎永远没有机会说出这一段话的，除非变性。。。

傻掉了）当bruke在做手术的时候排练这一段誓词，整个手术室的女子都怔住了。

可是即便是说得出这么深情誓词的男人却在最后一刻转身离开了，把cristina一个人留在chapel,“我不要你为我改变，我要让你自由”，这样的理由究竟是爱还是不够爱呢，难道bruke看不到cristina的改变，即便是为他而改变又如何呢,bruke说自己是leader,cristina有一天会开心，难道这一天一定是他离开之后的一天想起one tree hill里面，leysin在婚礼上离开，似乎也是用这个理由，那时候我是雀跃的，因为心里面默认peyton才是lucas的comet。。。

原来人心真是千变万化的我想写些什么，发现自己真的词穷，某人曾用同样的理由来告别，我也选择这样的理由让自己离开。

看着不漂亮却聪明，不可爱却诚实，冷静到冷酷的cristina仿佛看见自己的影子，可是终究We are fine people, we do fine.我们不可以倒下，不可以脆弱，不可以。。。

回过头去看，爱抑或不爱已经不那么重要，究竟是梦是戏还是真实，我也分不清了。

尘埃既然几经落定，何必再去搅乱心湖，就当作梦一场，若干年后样子都将模糊不堪。。。

实在看不下去了，就让我的梦在这里停下来吧，晚上总是容易胡思乱想。。。

by the way,2010年我要独自去西藏！

只为了习惯相遇和离别，还有一个人的旅行！！！

一开始看觉得很精彩，从第二季开始，一个个一开始很喜欢的角色纷纷义不容辞的变成贱人……弄的我无比郁闷～主角就是经典的小三，和那医生的感情纠葛让人烦不胜烦…第三季开始Izzie就迫不及待的变成一个无比沉闷的精神病人，之后更是拉着George跳到贱人最前线，变成整套剧集里最让人恶心的一对…………当然也有喜欢的。

Cristina的性格是我所欣赏的，还有Miranda Bailey医生，整套剧的大爱啊。

看到她终于当上总住院医生的时候真是让人高兴……

有个同志说，如果她在高中时看过这部电视剧，她一定就会在大学里投奔医学事业了。

我没有办法，一直没有办法否认自己对那些穿制服工作的由衷迷恋。

那些穿着白大褂、卫生服、头上扎着碎花头巾的来去匆匆的医生，还有什么比这更迷人的吗？

虽然我并不能真的实现这个职业，也完全不具备任何可能性，可是至少我会更加留心医院那种地方的细枝末节。

当初看的时候完全没有打算会这样追下去。

首先我对医学类电视剧并不感冒，其次最近似乎有点丧失对美剧的热忱，再次自以为已经看过了现有作品里最经典搞笑的几部——即便觉得好看也绝对不会超过之前拍案叫绝的How I met your mother，30Rocks，Black Books。

可是可是，当我在五一放假的某天夜里连续看完十几集之后，我拖着疲倦的身体、揉着发红的眼睛、心情激动地躺在床上听到外面已经有鸟在叫时，感慨无法言语。

我知道，流行的东西有两种可能。

第一，被无聊人士和无良制作公司吹捧出来，无端火热，可能也的确在某些方面非常吸引人，但是却让我无法在电视剧营造出来的浮华奢靡、虚假悬疑的世界里找到其他任何除了kill time更高的价值内容。

第二，虽然一样被吹捧，可是却小处见真情，details kill the devil，精华智慧在每一处不经意的对白台词里迸发闪光，而通常这样的剧作多以情景剧为主，设定特定的背景环境，看完每一集都会愈发崇拜编剧演员们。

很明显我这样铺垫是为了向谁表示我的赞扬之情。

一，音乐。

最初看头几集的时候就是赞叹于明快的剧情节奏和漂亮的背景音乐，这让我想到了类似The devil wears Prada和Sex and city那种都市作品的风格。

轻松明快，但是并没到虚空腐化的程度。

这些背景音乐基本都是最新流行歌曲的精选作品，配合不同的剧情发展出现，每一集最多有数十首，绝不重复——当然除了同样精彩的开头曲。

有的时候我甚至在情不自禁地曲捕捉背景出现的歌时，会稍微抱怨这歌儿也太密集了点，浓缩过头就有点腻味了。

笑。

二，设定。

后来分析一下，为什么我会喜欢上它，看看这个基本设定就知道：医院（重点在于是美国的顶级医院），实习生，成长史，学术到现实的过渡。

好多书啊、电影啊其实都由自己接触它们时的自身状况而决定了影响和评价——我现在正处于对社会蠢蠢欲动，满怀忐忑和期待的阶段，所以正好迎合上。

三，角色。

好作品里面的虚构人物都是生动到让人无法不相信他们的真实性。

两季看下来，已经从刚熟悉几个人，到喜欢上其中几个，到每个都很熟悉，到每个都理解，甚至会喜欢上并不讨喜的角色，最后把所有人员都看作是必然存在着、绝对不可缺少的了。

Meredith出场真的很华丽，后来知道她其实是那种女主角注定的Dark & Twist 的命运性格，也就失却了开始的光环；McDreamy（真是可爱的外号）先生估计没有人会拒绝他那样的眼神，西班牙血统的长相和自然卷头发，男主角必然的深情和困苦——我喜欢他的几个蓝色调的手术室头巾，可是很快就发现其实他是个骨子里的懦夫。

最先吸引我的，和后来一直喜欢的居然是那个韩国裔的Cristina Yang，尽管有很多人在说她丑，尽管我在看她的时候也总是不适应那样一双在我们眼中不堪忍受的纯粹的单眼皮眼睛，可是还是不自觉地喜欢上她一直风风火火、勇往直前的率性，以及默默承受意外出现在生命中的小宝宝，还有面对爱情的迟疑犹豫——她真实地可爱，可爱地真实。

然后是跟着她这条线带出来被注意到的Dr.Burke，说实话，这是我第一次真的喜欢上一个黑人角色——本来亚裔和黑人的组合就相当具有震慑力了，但是不得不承认他们俩却真的相当契合，据说编剧纯粹是因为演员之间的火花而萌生这样的设想，呵呵。

然后惊讶地发现Burke居然对那个其实内心封闭的Yang在经历过一段挣扎动摇之后，深情认真，不离不弃——有多少人在看他把失去孩子的止不住眼泪Cristina拥在怀里的场面不为止动容。

日后的小打小闹，却都充满了温情和信心。

我甚至开始害怕，在剩下没看的两季里他们俩会不会出现危机。

另外，再次表达我对Burke这个首屈一指的心脏医生三条不同花色的手术头巾的赞赏。

到第二季末尾愈发喜欢的Liz，原本真的以为她是花瓶，典型的Blondie，胸大无脑——后来才知道，其实这个角色是编剧的伏笔。

出身贫民窟，拍杂志广告挣钱还清自己的助学金，但就这两条历史就足以让我们向这位天生天使面孔的人致敬。

专业可能没有拼命的Yang那么优秀，但是同情心和善良本性绝对比得过她——最后跟病人Danny的生死恋，完全没有造作和烦扰，因为真实地可信可敬。

在残酷的现实面前，我敬佩她毅然不惜一切选择真性情的勇气。

四、服装。

很久之前就发现了我对制服这种东西的敏感。

医生，特殊的行业，自然会因此而将工作服的淡蓝色加上特殊的含义。

繁忙紧迫的群体工作状态，每个人都是一样的卫生服，来去都要换装；手术室外面，洗手，穿手术服，口罩，头巾——一点点变化和细节都相当有魅力。

除了让我赞美不绝的个性头巾（似乎只有两个主治医生才有这样的特权）之外，还有Addison的粉红色女医生服装，配合她的红头发眼睛，相当好看。

其实，就像我们在军训时那样，人在除却花花绿绿的衣服统一外表的时候，才会更容易将注意力集中于个人本身。

五、西雅图。

看了很多集之后才发现那是在西雅图的Grace医院。

不多的西雅图外景，比如那个驳船，就已经显示了这个儒雅城市的魅力。

更何况里面几乎每个人都人手一杯、成为重要道具的东西了，星巴克，咖啡。

这又是个完全让我加分的元素。

我们都知道，星巴克是这个美国西海岸美丽海港城市的三大骄傲之一，另外两个骄傲是微软和波音。

看完两季，看完传说中在Super Bowl那晚冲出惊人收视成绩的16、17集，看完高潮迭起的最后三集。

我没有忍心继续下去，我想我会细细去回看的。

Black Code那集的线索里有一个关于两位帅医生对彼此称呼的协商。

不说Morning或是Goodbye，直接用Dr. Shepherd 和Dr. Burke，在经历生死患难之后，两个人非常自然地替换成了直接叫名字。

四两拨千斤的情节设计。

于是，我开始着魔似的暗自念叨“Dr. XXX”。

最近回家都看格蕾，几乎每次都看到落泪，太多感人的故事。

最近看的几个，1.有患上严重肺部呼吸道疾病的一对，男孩终于等到了移植新肺的机会，但被医生发现他女朋友也有同样疾病而这种病在病友之间会互相传染并且加重病情。

医生坚持不肯换肺除非他们分开。

最后他们分开，女孩坐在医院门外等到男孩的手术成功。

小grey对她说的那段话让我很感动，个人觉得这算是她在剧中台词最好的部分，没有之一。

It always feel like that, there is only one person in this world to love. And then you find somebody else, and it just seems crazy that you were ever worried in the first place.2.有一对老夫妇，妻子被查出绝症将不久于人世。

医生不忍心告诉老太太就跟她丈夫先说了。

丈夫说，你能不能不要告诉她，她知道了以后肯定会很伤心很害怕的。

我们还要去威尼斯呢，因为据说在叹息桥下牵手，下辈子还能在一起。

医生感动的答应了。

但是医院的规定是告诉病人病情是医生的职责。

于是被迫医生只能把病情如实告诉了老太太。

她出乎意料地平静，说，你还没告诉我丈夫吧，你能不能不要告诉他，我们还要去威尼斯呢。

因为据说在叹息桥下牵手，下辈子就还能在一起。。

3.这一集可能很多人都觉得不好看，Arizona申请到了儿童基金去非洲，Torres不想去但是为了维持两人的关系也决定跟她一起去。

她一直在给自己做心理建设说服自己，一直说去那儿也很好，没那么多病人我能更好地专注研究。

但是在机场正当她又一次自我安慰的时候，Arizona生气地说你的坏情绪破坏了我的心情我的旅行我不需要你陪我去非洲我们结束了。

Torres哭的很伤心用了很多办法才让自己心情变好，却有一天Arizona出现在门口对她说我不能离开你。

Torres听完就关上了门。

原来，爱不是你回来，我就可以继续的。

结束了就是结束了。

这只是一个小插曲，却让我哭到不能自已。

4.一个妇人在过去的七年每年同一天都会因为心脏病进医院，医生问她是不是那天曾发生过什么特别的事情。

她摇头说没有，丈夫想了想说，第一次病发正好是他们邻居Ted突然病发去世。

妇人笑说，可是我们和他也不是很熟，说这句话时她黯然地转过了头。

之后医生单独找了这个妇人问她Ted应该不仅是一个不太熟的邻居吧？

妇人哭着说，二十七年，我爱上了隔壁的男人，他也爱我，可是七年前他就这么死了。

医生说，所以你的心脏就每年这个时候停止跳动来纪念他。

女人很难过，问医生有什么办法可以帮她。

医生说，我多希望我有办法，可惜真的没有。

原来我会在某一天莫名其妙的心情不好，真的是有原因的。

七季已经快看完了，最大的感触之一就是真心觉得只有在美国这样的国家，才会有那么多人会要求除了生存以外的其他权利，比如死亡面前也不会放弃自己的爱好，在可以保留双腿的情况下冒生命危险也绝不截肢，比如为了同性结婚而抗争比如不愿意忍受痛苦选择安乐死。

Seattle Grace可能是世界上最悲惨的医院，遇过持枪杀手，有过定时炸弹，被水淹过，但也一定是世界上最充满爱的医院。

我喜欢《实习医生格蕾》，非常，非常喜欢看过这么多美剧，从来没有一部像GA这样让我可以说有点“迷”，有点沉溺我会花一下午的时间找剧中的配乐的mp3资源我会搜片头片尾英文台词并且保存下来我会半信半疑的将邮箱留在GA吧里声称可以给全英文剧本的帖子里只因为，它是GA——关于《Grey Anatomy》我喜欢这部片子里的很多人。

Meridith，她经历了很多，也许太多，从小的家庭破裂令她对家庭从来就缺乏安全感，害怕被放弃。

拥有一个本身太过优秀至于对她处处苛责即便得了阿尔兹海默氏病也不忘对她吼Why you’re so ordinary的妈妈；One night stand之后发现那个人居然是自己的BOSS也许不算糟糕，更郁闷的是真的爱上他之后却发现那是个有妇之夫；又不得不掺和到亲生父亲组建的另一个家庭中去……她对Yang说，we need you to be happy，她需要有好朋友的幸福样板来说服自己，生活并没有那么糟糕，幸福是可以期待的。

可以想象，这是一个对未来多么缺乏信心的人，以至于一度任由放弃自己的生命，放弃存活。

我没有理由苛责她在感情上的踟蹰退缩，只是真的很希望，她有一天，能够过得不这么混乱，不这么错综复杂，只要一点点，简单的幸福就好。

没错，life is tough, 所以，请一定要keep moving on，一定。

Derek，绰号Mc dreamy，大概真的是很多女孩心目中的Mc dreamy吧。

英俊、迷人带点忧郁气质，主治医生，Chief的接班人。

很难说这是一个怎样的男人，才会拥有那样一双神情疲惫却又摄人心魂的眼睛。

他渴望安定，却没有安全感，对感情太容易投入又太过理智，曾经的背叛让他太害怕伤害，太害怕没有结局，只好一次一次陷入被卡在中间地带的尴尬境地。

有时候看着看着，会很怜惜这个男人，他始终不是阳光乐观的那一群，骨子里透着悲观、压抑甚至绝望。

一直期盼他和Meridith能有happy ending，有一天却终于觉得也许他们俩终究不会有happy ending，也许我们该盼望他能找到那个可以一起建筑家庭理想可以安定下来一起变老的perfect woman，就算不是最爱。

也挺喜欢Derek的前妻Addison，她是一个很值得敬重的女人。

漂亮，气质高雅，有点自负，事业有成，也许感情不尽如人意。

她其实揣着一个再普通不过的梦想，那就是，找一个可以安定下来的人，一起生一个小孩，然后，be happy ever after，只是，这样的愿望对于人类而言，有时候居然显得那么奢侈。

在GA里面，到处都是离合，破裂，不忠，背叛。

她自己，不也曾经背叛Derek？

太难了，最后她决定放弃找这么一个人，独自想要一个小孩好好养的时候，却发现她没有生小孩的能力了，是讽刺，还是惩罚呢？

可以说Izzie，是GA里头我最喜欢的一个角色了。

很欣赏这个漂亮，率真的女人，喜欢她极其坚定的说，I will not change。

她坚信，无论是作为一个医生还是作为一个人，她都不会改变，永远会遵循自己的内心。

让个人情感卷进医生的角色又怎么样？

爱上自己的病人甚至置职业生涯于不顾又怎么样呢？

人生太短暂，疯狂爱一场，也值了不是？

拼命为Denny争取到那颗心脏，结果却猝不及防。

她终究没有等来预想中的春天，没有等来happy ending。

我们可以知道的是，She did nothing wrong，she just did what she wanted；And for that，，she is much more braver than many of us。

没错，她很勇敢。

即便对待无望的爱情，她很勇敢，也很坚持。

（因为喜欢这个角色进而关注凯瑟琳•海格尔，很喜欢她那招牌式的笑容。

在这届奥斯卡颁奖礼上，梦露式打扮的她在说颁奖词的时候居然会颤抖，实在是很可爱。

最近看了她主演的《新娘靠边闪》，还不错，推荐哦★★★）不能不说Burke和Yang这一对，GA里算是唯一一对忠贞的情侣。

Burke成熟稳重，才华横溢，是那种值得信任值得托付的男人。

而Christina，是一个事事争先恐后非常有野心的女人。

这一对儿的发展多少给了我们很多希望，原本这一对非典型的结合是相当值得津津乐道的，可是Yang，在最后的关头，她没能走过红地毯，没能跨过那扇门，没能说出I do的宣誓。

于是，在最后的最后，Burke离开了，Christina疯了一样摘掉脖子上的Burke的家传饰品，疯一样的扯去婚纱。

我真的无法理解，到底是怎么了？

人和人之间，到底是怎么了。

即便是两个真心相爱的人，似乎也逃脱不掉，永远永远无法到达，那所谓的happy ending。

（附：Burke的那段marriage vow: Cristina, I do promise, to hold you and cherish you. And I promise, to be there in sickness and in health. I could say, till death do us apart, but I won’t. Those vows are for optimistic couples, the vows full of hope, but I do not stand here on my wedding day optimistic or full of hope. I am not optimistic, I am not hopeful, I am sure, I’m steady. And I know, I’m a heart man, take them apart, put them back together, I hold them in my hands, I am a heart man, so this, I am sure, you are my partner, my lover, my very best friend. My heart, my heart beat for you. And on this day, the day of our wedding, I promise you this, I promise you to lay my heart in the palm of your hands, I promise you, me. ）GA的新剧集将在4月下旬推出。

我一边等待，一边回顾。

看着看着，我只是不明白，这里的人们，这些或者将要成为最优秀的外科医生的人们，为什么对待生活，对待感情，对待所爱的人，对待所在乎的事，却那么绝望呢。

为什么happy ending就像童话一样遥不可及呢。

是人类太绝望，还是因为这个世界本身太让我们失望呢。

身体的伤害，也许手术可以使它痊愈，即便留下疤痕，也会慢慢淡去。

可是，人心的伤口，永远都无法痊愈，就像落下了病根，时不时会复发，有时候痛苦来得猝不及防，有时候甚至脆弱得不堪一击。

人们在这个世界上努力、拼搏、奋斗，职位、功名、利禄，也许很快就得到了，可是人们的内心，却仍旧孤独、脆弱、无力。

每个人都渴望保护自己，害怕背叛和伤害，缺乏信任，也依旧渴望幸福，期待坚固的关系，渴望真心的情感，却依旧在幸福面前迟疑，踟蹰，徘徊，直至失去，直至发现再也无法回头。

我们是否依然应该相信，有一个叫做happy ending的东西呢？

1 Cristina: You know in the movies how there's always the heroes and then there's the other guy? You know the guy who sees danger and runs in the opposite direction? Burke: Yes. Cristina: Be the other guy.Code Black的一集，此时Burke和Grey同时在手术室里，Cristina与Burke耳语。

虽然大家都说在Burke中弹后才看到Cristina的人性，但在一句"Be the other guy."中，我总是固执的觉得，Yang是背叛与格蕾的友情而对Burke说出的这句话。

危机之下，be the other guy.2Meredith：I lied. I'm not out of this relationship. I'm in. I'm so in it's humiliating because here I am begging--Derek：Meredith, just--Meredith：shut up.You say "Meredith," and I yell, remember?Derek：Yeah.Meredith：Okay...here it is.Your choice, it's simple--her or me? And I'm sure she's really great. But, Derek, I love you... in a really, really big... pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you love you.So pick me.Choose me.Love me.The most famous and representative section.其实我一直觉得格蕾有些phyco,唯一比她更phyco的就是Izzie了。

而且两人都是乍一看还行，越来越phyco的类型。

Anyway,这段话，这样一个没有安全感的人，再加上演员当时desperate的表情，classic.3 Grey/Cristina:I'm your person.第一次听这种说法，直译过来我是你的人总是容易YY出一个红衣大辫子姑娘脸小红一下子对个大老爷们说“我都是你的人了”。

但是当一个dark&twisted的女实习医生肩并肩的抱着另一个cold&inhumand的女实习生说出一句"I'm your person",我才开始有点小动容了，虽然觉得她们的友情线跟进的有点突兀。

4Burke:I could promise to hold you and to cherish you. I could promise to be there whether sickness or health. I could say till death do us depart, but I won't. Those vows are for optimistic couples. The ones full of hope, but I do not stand here on my wedding day optimistic or full of hope. I am not optimistic. I am not hopeful, but I'm sure and I'm steady, and I know I am a heartman. Take them apart and put them together, I hold them in my hands. I am a heartman. So this I am sure you are my partner, my lover, my very best friend. My heart, my heart beats for you, and on this day today on our wedding I promise you this, I promise you to lay my heart on palm of your hand. I promise you "me".Burke这番话听的时候觉得unbelievably brilliant，把台词写下来着实觉得相对于Burke的性格来说有点墨迹。

但还是很不错的，相当不错。

骄傲严肃，正直善良,永远像一个至高无上的神的存在，不论什么时候都存有理智的相信。

A handy man, a heart man.整个剧里唯一的让人相信的让人抱有幻想的爱情和承诺。

5 Burke: I am Preston Burke! A widely renowned cardio-thoracic surgeon. I am a professional and more than that, I am a good and kind person. I am a person that cleans up behind myself! I am a person that cooks well. And you, you are an unbelievable slob. A slovenly, angry intern. I am Preston Burke! And you, you are the most competitive, most guarded, most stubborn, most challenging person I have ever met! And I love you. What the hell is the matter with you that you won't just let me?哈哈～still Burke，“what the hell is the matter with you that you won't just let me”——发飙的Burke 还是非常口耐的。

作为一个如此骄傲的自己，已经无法忍受yang对他的不信任，对他们爱情的不信任，积压已久的愤怒终于在这样的一个时候冲出，而Yang仍然坐在床上，吃着中餐，看着杂志，甚至是在Burke说"I love you"的时候才抬头看了他一眼。

然后等Burke发完飙，没语调的说出"I gave up my apartment 20 minutes ago."我都不知道该说点啥囧6Cristina:It's not difficult,it's simple.Burke is not here, he has gone.And it's better for him.(小blar) But it's not difficult.He's out there.And I'm here while everything is the same.I still living in his apartment,I walked across the same passages of this hospital and wearing the same clothes.That's not difficult.This is where I am,This is where I choose to be. But,sir,when his hands were shaking, I performed his surgeries, I kept his secrets,I knew his pride.You know it, I know it, and he knows it.He knows it!(小blar)I'm the unseen hand to his glories.And while,everthing is ......everthing is very very different......I was his hand ,and now I'm the ghost.That's not difficult.It's unbearable.I know everybody is proud of him,but I'm not.And I do not wishing him.在Erica把Yang整惨了之后，Burke又很合时宜的得了个什么Harper Avery Award（貌似？

），Yang在停尸房里独自唱着歌，连我都觉得很惨..."I was his hand ,and now I'm the ghost.That's not difficult.It's unbearable."这剧本写的实在是忒到位了，没有什么比an invisible ghost更能体现Yang的地位的了，也没有什么比unbearable更能表现Yang的心情了。

(不知为什么，我想起了我长达近两年的失眠，从校园里没有人的时候去实验室，等到全校掐电的时候回寝室，上午一个熏肉大饼，下午一个煎饼果子，可是凌晨一点躺在床上仍然睡不着，看着太阳冉冉升起。

That's not unbearable,it's suicidal.)7 Izzie:You're right, maybe I should run.But I'd rather be running toward somebody than running away.我说过，Izzie is a phyco,但她之所以phyco也是由于她的emotional.只不过这种emotional一开始是很可爱的，但后来就很有点神经，不知道编剧是怎么把握这个角色的。

但这句话，是我听Izzie说过的最美丽的话了。

我为啥要看格蕾？

我不喜欢生理实验，曾经一度为了逃避实验想在研究生时学生物信息。

我不喜欢这里的很多角色，有感情过度充沛或者完全没感情或者干脆神经病的女人，有要么臭屁要么混蛋的男人，以及优柔寡断的GAY（其实我腐的），以及还不如他们的等等等等。

我不喜欢这里的很多演员，眼角和嘴角都是皱纹的装嫩女主角，长着一双标准YD眼睛的男主角，或者就是虽然好看但长相着实普通的Dr. Model以及虽然长得有很有特点但实在柯趁的Dr.Cold Blood.但我热爱生命。

我喜欢看不同的人站在不同的角度如何对待我们唯一拥有的东西。

我喜欢看这些掌握生命的人如何对待自己的人生。

我喜欢看在最绝望的时刻，人和人是如何握紧双手，彼此拯救。

我喜欢看在一次一次的生还与死亡中，人是如何变的成熟与宽容。

我还是得看格蕾。

从一开始，我就认定Cristina和Meredith是一类人：同样的聪明，同样的优秀，同样在受伤时拒绝抚慰，拒绝关怀，同样的孤独，同样的要求心灵和身体的自由，同样的对真爱抱有希望。

所以，她们成为了朋友，最要好的朋友，虽然Mere和Izze、Geroge住在一起，但对Mere来说，他们只是室友，只有Cristina才是与Mere心灵交通的人。

曾经不理解，为何Cristina在Burk受伤，生命垂危时转身而去，终于在这里找到了答案：由于9岁时目睹父亲因车祸流血致死，她害怕再次面对挚爱之人的逝去，害怕自己在那一瞬间崩溃，害怕那种眼见着亲人在面前，生命一点一滴的消失而无能为力的无助感。

Mere何尝不是如此，眼看着被疾病慢慢夺走理智的母亲，那种无助感也一直伴随着她，Cristina看到了，感觉到了，于是，"Meredith Grey"成了“my person”.面对着威胁着Mere的死亡，她又一次选择了走开，买便宜货，在酒吧里拼命灌酒，妄图这样打发时间，逃避心灵的伤痛。

幸运的是，Cristina身边还有Burk在,有了Burk的激励，她终于选择了面对这一切，而不放弃希望，当她满含热泪，用坚定的声音说try again的时候，这已经不是原来那个Cristina了，而是一个成长了的，可以用理智来面和意志对艰难困苦的Cristina。